Welcome to the 20th issue of Lazy Desperado! Thank you for reading, and thank you even more if you are a subscriber! This issue we take a look at little pleasures that make life worth living, the routine insanity of hypocritical U.S. politics.
I have not updated this newsletter for some time and for good reason: 2021 has been rocky for my personal life and mental health. Between shocking personal family news and repeated loss, I had reached a full mental block. Nothing seemed clear in terms of life goals, career goals and self-worth outside of my wonderful girlfriend, my best friend and my family that I’ve been forced to distance myself from due to COVID-19, and health issues, kneecapping most travel plans.
The only work I could make happen was directly related to my job. Writing has been a chore and the most I could choke up for this newsletter were outlines that became outdated as I never got around to the actual formation of the ideas. Streaming and podcasting were the most productive I was with my hobbies and business, but I always felt like I was crawling to the finish line.
I say all of that to remind anyone reading with the same feelings knows they aren’t in that hole alone. If you can’t get out of bed on time and the only productive thing you did was feed yourself, you’re not alone. If you forgot to shower for days because you work from home and live in your own personal limbo, you’re not alone. If you feel stuck, in a rut and like your mid-20s aren’t what your 16-year-old self wanted them to be, that’s normal too.
The key is to make sure you don’t live in those moments of self doubt. And yes, I know it’s harder for people depending on their personal situation, but hear me out.
I’ve been really partial to repeating, “Trying is half of the battle,” recently because it’s the simple truth. I try to force myself to get up every morning and face the day with at least an inkling of enthusiasm, even if I had to fight my own internal thoughts and monologue. Of course I also have therapy and psychiatrists to help me, but shaking myself out of that funk of slumping into the inadequacy helped nudge along the progress of those two tools.
I also extended that thought process of simply trying really hard to my latest passions, streaming and podcasting. I’ve always been sensitive about this newsletter because the views haven’t been in the thousands and the same goes for the podcast I do with my brother weekly. I’ve always aimed for audiences, but now I’m aiming to have fun with the creation of those platforms.
I say all of that to remind myself, and the reader, that success isn’t based on your podcast getting shared by a celebrity or a shiny contract from a publisher wanting to fund your venture. Success is in consistency and genuine interest. I stream, write and record because I like doing that, and the “success” of fans will come later.
Find peace in slow progress. Take breaks. Keep doing that thing you like when you have time, even if it isn’t paying your bills. That’s not the point of creation or hobbies.
ALSO
I got engaged a couple of weeks ago!
After four years with my girlfriend, Haylee, I proposed in the least surprising engagement in the world. Our parents were elated, yet ready, for the announcements! My best friend said he knew I was going to propose soon. It felt like everyone saw it coming, which is a soothing and comforting feeling when you already know you made the right choice. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with Haylee.
The newsletter is back, and will be back at least three times a month. Thank you for being patient and spending time with The Lazy Desperado.
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Now, I’m not trying to say that rapper/producer Pierre Bourne is a hidden, new or underground artist. He’s produced some of the biggest hip-hop singles and albums within the past 5 years or so, from the divisive GUMMO by rainbow-haired snitch 6ix9ine to the chaotic, punk-biting Die Lit album from the hieroglyphics speaking demon Playboi Carti. Everyone has heard the “YO PIERRE, YOU WANNA COME OUT HERE,” tag at least a dozen times since 2017. The drum pattern present in most of his songs have been dubbed the “Pierre 808.”
But, I will admit I didn’t have an ear for his solo work, particularly his debut album The Life of Pierre 4, the second to last installment in his mixtape series, where he hides some of his best beats. Pierre isn’t an excellent rapper (his lyrics stick to heavy 90s/00s pop culture references, women troubles and rolling backwoods) but his flow and attention to detail in production are amazing. Every song on the album has smooth transitions between one another, the DJ tags are not only retro but rerecorded by the original “Damn Son Where’d You Find This?” guy, Shadoe Haze.
The beats stick in your brain, the one-liners and poppy hooks just work (Pierre said he wanted more female friends, so he opted for more R&B elements in his music) and the similar, repeating melodies are addictive. I found myself matching similar beats on TLOP 4 to beats Pierre produced for other rappers, mystified that the signature style of the Pierre 808 has enough legs to match any mood.
With podcasts requiring too much of my attention at times, Pierre’s music has helped me refocus and get in “the zone” when I’m writing or setting up for my next live show. Here are a couple of my favorites below and let me know what you think.
Being a Texan has been a disorienting, disappointing experience for the first chunk of 2021. We had a massive blackout and water outage during one of the roughest winter storms in state history. More of us died in Harris County during that February storm than during Hurricane Harvey in 2017. Meanwhile, our senator, Ted Cruz, decided to take the cowardly route to Cancun. Disabled people were left in the cold without devices they need to survive while other reps like Greg Abbott and Dan Patrick claim we wanted to die to save the economy.
I know “capitalism is a disease” and similar thoughts have been memed to hell and back since COVID-19 exposed much of what is wrong with low-wage work and the current economic model, but this situation unironically solidified this thought for many Texans. Perhaps not to the exact concept of capitalism, but the positioning of money over people that is the backbone of capitalism. I was shivering in my house with my fiancée, lumping our pets into the bed with us in a 32 degree house. I didn’t have time to think about work and I didn’t give a damn about a city economy. I wanted warmth, I wanted my family to be warm, and I wanted the people in power to learn a lesson.
That last comment has yet to come to fruition as all of the formerly mentioned individuals either immediately distracted from the situation by repealing mask mandates statewide or doing a foul, poorly-timed stand-up routine about abandoning their constituents. Sometimes you have to wonder if someone will die of old age before they learn the error of their ways, and these men will probably reach that point before they realize the death they caused.
Speaking of COVID-19, the mask mandate lift was a bit off compared to vaccine availability, but even with vaccines widely accessible in the present I don’t see the point in preserving a false sense of freedom by making it legal to risk your health. The pompous attitude of Texans - no, Americans - and our obsession with little freedoms like wearing a mask only serves to fuel our self-obsession with helping ourselves instead of the marginalized.
I’ve blocked friends for leaving the state multiple times during the pandemic, I’ve argued with people about why visiting their favorite coffee shop without a mask is a bad idea and eventually I gave up. COVID-19 has become trendy, and it’s almost expected that we’re all supposed to get it. As someone with friends and family who have never tested positive for the disease, as well as myself, I call bullshit, respectfully. Unless you are an essential worker, I have no sympathy. We all made excuses for ourselves, and the people who made no restrictions for themselves are trying to make us think those of us who stayed inside until we were vaccinated are afraid of living.
While the vaccines continue to roll out (just get one, it doesn’t matter which), going to visit others becomes more safe and the world opens back up, don’t let people who judged you for masking up and taking control spoil it. You’re healthy, you’re not sick and you didn’t get someone else sick. Remember that things are getting better and life is resuming slowly. We’re almost to the finish line.
Super Chevy Bros. has been rocking and rolling since the last letter! We’ve moved to live broadcasts every Tuesday at 6 p.m. Central Time, where Chevar and I do our best not to hit each other through the Discord chat. Come hang out and have fun with us!
I also created a VOD channel for my streams, where I’m currently playing Hades after we wrapped up DanganRonpa! If you miss a stream just head to the link below and let me know what you think! What game should I play next? What do you want to see on stream? I’m just here to have fun, so let me know!
Here’s the latest schedule, so go check us out and head to the podcast/streaming websites!
On April 20 murderer and police officer Derek Chauvin was found guilty of killing George Floyd. While this is the outcome that should have happened in the first place, and my heart is less pained than if he were found innocent like thousands of killer police officers, my mortality always comes back to haunt me with one question:
Why was there a trial in the first place?
The results of this trial remind me of one thing: if an officer murders me tomorrow, even if I were 15 and called him for help like Ma’Khia Bryant, even if the whole thing was caught on film by another person like George Floyd and Philando Castile, my death will be a spectacle to be examined by the world. Not just me, but any Black person. Any Black person who has touched a bottle or drugs will have his sobriety questioned during their death by anything but the drugs.
A white woman in power, like Nancy Pelosi, will go on TV and thank me for calling for my mother’s name in my last moments of pain, thank me for dying to further “justice.” T-shirts with my last words will be worn to protests, tweeted by sports teams and used to promote political campaign promotional events through poorly timed and worded texts. People on Twitter will debate whether or not I should’ve kept my life. My family won’t be considered in the slightest.
George Floyd did not deserve any of this.
He should have been able to live his life without his death at the hands of a murderer being the only symbol of him remaining in public conscience. The same goes for Emmet Till or Ma’Khia Bryant, whose death was broadcast on social media and news channels the same day as the Floyd verdict. Being Black in America is now about trying to live your life or worrying about being the next martyr Nancy Pelosi can jot down in her speech to the public.
Being Black in America is waiting for the next person who looks like you to be gunned down for existing, and then watching their life splayed all over media and criticized by the public. Every drug they’ve taken, every wrong phrase they’ve used, any adolescent mistake they made, every life lesson they learned the hard way, everything about them is put under a microscope. Suddenly morality is black and white for everyone except the murderer. Every person on social media has an opinion about it and looks at anyone not pouring their heart out as a monster, not a traumatized Black person sick of explaining why it hurts.
Being Black in America isn’t about living. It’s about hiding away in your own world and hoping you’re not a headline, hoping the expiration of your car registration isn’t the reason your family has to attend your funeral. It’s about acquiring joy in as many ways as possible and at times looking away from videos on your Twitter timeline of 15-year-olds dying. It’s about accepting death and life in the most extreme ways. It’s about trying to live.
Thanks for reading the 20th issue! Don’t forget to get to SHARE the newsletter, RESPOND to anything you like, dislike, or have feelings about and SEND ME YOUR GUEST ARTICLES and other ways to help the disenfranchised. Get vaccinated, make your family get vaccinated, and stay safe.
RIP Ma’Khia Bryant. RIP George Floyd. RIP DMX. RIP SOPHIE.
Awesome works as usual my dude. Glad to see you back at it!